Friday, December 14, 2018

What are "spectral projections"?

After listening to MENTAL ILLNESS, an acquaintance recently asked me what a spectral projection is.  And, I will just answer that right now: I'm not sure.

I know I've been really about "astralpop" lately and most people have probably just assumed "spectral projections" was a nonsense phrase that sounds cool when you say it and is somewhat "outer spacey", so it falls right in with the theme.  While this is partially true, it does, however, have actual meaning behind it.  Most musicians or people who take music very seriously and have music as a focus point in their life have a term like spectral projections.  The nuances between each person's definitions may be small, but they are very significant.  So, for me, the idea of a spectral projection is based on a fusion of two musicians' thoughts on this subject.

The first instance of this that I became familiar with was when I encountered the great multi-instrumentalist and super unique personality of Rahsaan Roland Kirk.  Already an absolute giant in the jazz scene for well over a decade, he released a live album in 1973 called Bright Moments.  Great record and worth seeking out on its own, but for the sake of this discussion, I'm only interested in one specific part of the album: the speech that opens the title track (Roland was born blind).

(it is essential that you listen to that speech before proceeding🙂)

Already quite the orator, Roland goes into a tale of the things that get lost in translation when assessing how a listener feels about music (from different, but equally understandable positions). He even starts out his speech with, "Bright moments is like. . ."  So, right away, it's a nebulous term.  What he's saying feels like it's had a lot of thought put into.  Maybe years worth.  But when he is actually saying it, it never once feels rehearsed or premeditated.  His articulation is rushed, but completely comprehensible.  As the listener, you can feel and easily follow his enthusiasm.  He lived for those bright moments.  And I always have, too.  I just didn't know what to call them.

(if you want to learn more about Roland and his fascinating life, I highly recommend the documentary, the Case of the Three Sided Dream — respect to tREBLEFREE for hipping me to this)

So, what happens when you get into one of those bright moments, but it's not exactly the same as how Roland Kirk talks about?  Admittedly, RRK's definition doesn't quite blend with mine 100%.  His were more about the moments than the brightness, as I understand him.  So, what happens when the brightness overtakes the moment(s)?

We have to check in with London at the height of the punk explosion to answer that question.

If Bob Dylan was revered for his progressive and eloquent songs speaking in favor of civil rights and in opposition of violence, I'd like to propose that his punk-minded, heart-on-sleeve counterpart was a man named Adrian Borland.  Adrian first started out making music as the frontman of the Outsiders; very much a punk band, and of historical importance as they were the first British band to self-release a full-length, all punk album.  Like all good punks, Adrian became disillusioned with the music and the scene.  By 1979, the Outsiders had broken up and Adrian had formed a new band with a new purpose.  I've talked about them at great length on here in the past, but if you like new wave and 80s guitar rock in general, you must check out the Sound.  When they released their first album in 1979, it was a huge critical success.  The band struggled to find an audience beyond a cult following, however.

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Time out to discuss another reason I hold Adrian's words in such high regard (and yes, this is excruciatingly sad): He lived the life of an eccentric, yet incredibly gifted, songwriter who also happened to struggle with schizoaffective disorder.  While the Sound remained active and prolific throughout most of the 80s, they sputtered out after 1987's Thunder Up (a very underrated record).  Adrian plugged away, writing songs, recording, and performing on his own and with pick-up bands.  All through his life, he would often touch on his articulately unique point of view.  Sadly, Adrian succumbed to his condition in the spring of 1999, when he decided to end his own life.  His thoughts on politics and love in songs like 'Monument' and 'Silent Air' are not only amazingly prophetic to his own life, but I also happen to find them extremely heartfelt; delivered in a nearly cathartic way.  Very appropriate.
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When the band was recording their second (and arguably best) album, Adrian was determined to not just become another band with great reviews, but empty concert halls.  He believed in the power of strong, heartfelt music, and its potential to change the world.  While that may be a romanticized thought in today's scene: in Britain in 1980, Adrian saw his songs as a way to give his listeners a revolution of the mind.  Ian Curtis was dead, Thatcher was in office, the Cold War was reaching its most intense period since the 60s, and the world was in a state of general (and very noticeable) unrest.  The United Kingdom especially was struggling socially and economically.  Adrian called it the new dark age.

So, into the studio he would go, working on what he was planning to be his masterpiece and ultimate artistic statement.  He was easy going in those days, but with a very clearly-defined goal that he would not deviate from.  After recording a song to his satisfaction, he would go into the engineer's booth to listen and evaluate.  Most times, as he was quite the perfectionist when working in the studio, he would voice critiques during these playbacks that ranged from (mostly) self-criticism to anything else he could manage to constructively critique.

On some rare occurrences, Adrian would listen in total silence, with his eyes open, staring straight ahead (but not at anything in particular), through the duration of the recording (and often several moments after it had finished playing; Adrian still in silence).  And, if it was a bright enough moment for him, when someone would finally ask what he thought, he would simply respond two words: "It exists."

There was a short anecdote about Adrian using this phrase in the liners of one of the reissues of the Sound's albums, but it doesn't go as far to convey just what he meant when he would say this.  To my knowledge, he was never publicly asked to clarify what he meant by this.  So, going off what we've discussed so far, I'd like to offer up my own version of what I think he meant.  Just as Roland Kirk was unable to truly convey what a bright moment is (although he made a worthy and commendable effort), Adrian simply didn't even try.  Not because he didn't want to, but because he was unable.

He understood in his own mind that it was a moment of pure, wholly resonant, compassionate, and complete inspiration; the magnitude and significance of which he was unable to accurately state.  So, instead of trying and possibly tainting his own creation, he said the only thing about it that was absolutely inarguable.  He knew what it meant to him, but he was unable to truly translate that into words, so he left it up to his audience.

So, we come back around to the initial question:  what are spectral projections?

Now that I've established what these fleeting occurrences are to serious music people, think about it this way: Roland Kirk was trying to describe his spectral projections purely from the perspective of a listener, while Adrian Borland was describing that same feeling from the perspective of a creator.  Because I've spent most of my life solely as a listener, it didn't materialize to me until much later that the two are directly related.

So, when I start naming songs "Spectral Projections", I'm doing so because those songs are either inspired by a spectral projection, are intended to be a spectral projection themselves, or maybe they're a combination of the two.  And, even though I talk about Rahsaan and Adrian specifically, they are not the only people who have referred to interaction with music in these vague, but universal ways.  I liken the Spanish idea of "duende" to spectral projections.  In his autobiographical account of his travels across Spain, James Michener goes to great lengths to explain what "duende" means, and yet still falls short.  There is no English translation of the word "duende", and the word (being essentially an old Basque slang word) has not endured through generations; so even some native speakers are unaware of it.  But when the idea is explained to someone in more detail, they are usually able to understand the general idea, while throwing in some of their own ideas of what "duende" can be.  Sometimes, people don't even have words for this emotive thing that they experience (folks like, James Brown, Michael Jackson, and Smokey Robinson were clearly masters of their body language, in this regard).

I don't think there's any music follower or creator that would deny that this is a phenomenon that exists.  As well, I don't think there's anybody from that group that would also agree on what it actually consists of. . . not to mention, what to call it.

That is a spectral projection.

~Austin

Monday, October 29, 2018

MENTAL ILLNESS


(NVM)

#mentalillnessbygaa
#mentalillnessawareness
#therapythroughmusic







(the contents of the above link have been removed an administrator.  stay clever and act like nothing's wrong.)

Friday, October 26, 2018

DRUMS PLEASE

I had somewhat of a mini-revelation. 

I was brushing my teeth after having a smoke outside just now, and I had my headphones on, and I just started dancing to the music I was listening to, as I was bent over the sink, spitting and rinsing. 

It crossed my mind:  "Would I be doing this if I wasn't sure that I was home alone?"

My immediate gut reaction is, 


"No." Because, why, you ask? Because you'd look an absolute loon if your (already weary of your mental health) housemate saw you.
But he walks around talking to himself and yelling swears at Fox News in the evenings. 

And the whistling. The mother-whoring whistling.


So, we all have our "quirks" then, right?
But not all of us have any past suicide attempts.


A-ha. There it is.
So, what have I been doing these past two years?  Basically nothing. 

Well, not completely, "NOTHING." I mean, with all the shit I've put myself through, I was pretty fucking busy mentally. But, it was like negative work, or anti-work, I guess. Imagine this, if you will: your very small family is well aware of past struggles and attempts, yet no one talks about it. Even your mother, who is also probably the person with whom you are the closest in the entire world, will not talk about it. So, I've had to fall into this role of what they thought I should be, because I was so afraid to upset anyone. 

I, for a while, did not want to improve myself, out of fear that they wouldn't accept the "new me." But, mostly, it was because I, as a diagnosed depressive personality, was supposed to behave accordingly: good days, never great ones, constant personal challenges (be it work, money, etc.), constant negative inner-dialogue. . . it was all self-inflicted.


And there, dancing while brushing my teeth over the sink, like I loved to do when I was twelve; my mother would sometimes, in fact, send me to the bathroom to brush before bed and would then wonder why it took me fifteen or twenty minutes to do so————
Over the sink, not even just slightly "groovin`" to the music, but full-on butt-shaking glory, did it hit me, a thirty seven year old man: I was afraid to look foolish for being myself. How could I dare even think of letting them see that?


Wait, "THEM"? There's literally no one there and literally no one cares. It's a dopey moment of just enjoying yourself while doing something menial, yet necessary. Why not just go for it? If someone would have filmed it on a camcorder and mailed it to Bob Saget in 1990, there's a good chance it would have seen some air time. It was that stupid and insignificant, yet irreverent enough, to have been on one of those cheesy shows. Hell, I'm lazy, but go YouTube "toothbrush dancer" and there's probably hours of "hysteria" to scroll through. Who is honestly going to disapprove of someone literally just having fun and making the most of, what would have otherwise been, a dull moment?
Jerks, people, etc.


Nice try, but that's on them.
Also mom.


I'm sorry?
You know, that time. DRUMS PLEASE.


Literally: how in the actual fuck do you remember that?
How do I? How do you not forgot it?


How could I forgot it? It was pretty significant.
Explain.


Brushing teeth, headphones on, volume maxed (`cuz I'm cool af, alright?), badly rapping and dancing along to 'Summertime' as I was bent over the sink. The late 80s / early 90s headphones were trash, so if you had your volume maxed, everyone else within a five or seven foot radius was also aware of this fact. So, I guess my mom saw the light shift in an unfamiliar way that caught her attention to the point of coming to see what was going on. 
—(AUTHOR'S NOTE: THE FOLLOWING THREE SENTENCES ARE PURE SPECULATION AND NOTHING MORE THAN AN EDUCATED GUESS)—
Upon arrival, she realized that, because of the volume of my headphones and my eyes facing the sink, I didn't know she was there. She then decided to call my sister over to view the spectacle that I was becoming. And, judging by the amount of times they mockingly shouted "DRUMSTH PLTHEASE!!" at me afterwards, they stood there and watched me long enough to have gone at least one revolution through the length of this cassette single (had an autoreverse Walkman; again: cool af, just to be absolutely clear here).
So, what? They made fun of you? And?


And it was pretty fucking damaging. I'm not even going to try and sugar coat this into anything other than what they did:
— Made fun of my dancing, which they knew would hurt me, as I really prided myself on being the best dancer in school. That was something you did honestly love to do, remember? And here, in a moment of vulnerability where you are not dancing to impress, but dancing simply for fun, they put you at the end of the firing range where only one person stands.
— Accused me of wanting "to be black." Imagine that: a kid with a completely butchered childhood wants to be anything but what he is, as long as it's something else. And then, yeah, hey, we're gonna need you to go ahead and, yeah, feel real bad about that. If you could do that, that would be great. Yeah. 
Oh my god, fuck them.
Not their fault.


I know.
Please, continue.


— Actually said, "Well, you're definitely not black, because you sure can't rap!" in a joking way. So, all that fucked identity bullshit up there? Yeah, we'll just go ahead and let that marinate, ferment, and mutate now. 
— Just, "DRUMSTH PLTHEASE!!" a lot after that.
And tears.


Well, yes naturally, after just having my entire poorly-defined identity just demolished in a matter of minutes. Later, when under the covers and out of earshot of them.
Brutal.


Very.
That was literally twenty five years ago. This is the first time in twenty five years I've even thought about that. That is also not figuratively the first time in twenty five years you did a toothbrush dance. And you also very definitely lived by yourself for four years.


Your point?
Plenty of time to enjoy yourself without any worry of being "caught." And yet, because of all this, something extremely enjoyable from your childhood is not allowed to transfer over to adulthood, which is how it should have gone in a healthy situation. Had things gone differently, you wouldn't see anything abnormal about it.


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I keep having these really vivid revelations and they make so much sense to me, it really feels like good work being done. I'm actually pretty scared to show too much happiness, if you can believe that. My job has really been the key to this. I mean, it took me damn long enough to accept it, but I'm actually an honest to goodness success story. I just have to now accept that I should operate at that level of confidence without worry of social-inacceptance because of it.  Quite the opposite, in fact. 

It is —and even now I'm loathe to actually say it— okay to be proud of yourself if you are, indeed, doing well. 

Literally no one has ever told me that.

#mentalillnessbygaa
#mentalillnessawareness
#therapythroughmusic